So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
