This is not my ceiling
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
