Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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