i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
