Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
