JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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