No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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