why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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