I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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