So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
