all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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