Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
wow bdsm is so cute
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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