just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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