I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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