garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
