He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
