I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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