Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my being single is dangerous.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
