Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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