I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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