I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
