Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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