he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
