my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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