Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
