I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just found a bag of teeth...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
