I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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