piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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