I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
