Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I would fuck him just for his dog
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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