I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
