I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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