You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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