the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
