I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
