no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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