My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
