it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
