I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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