i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
