I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
