she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
