omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need moral support for this bender
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
