party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
