What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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