Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
