I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
