Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
