i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
