Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
