I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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