a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
