Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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