I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
