Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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