mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
